Still Dead, Still Here

Resources

This is the current version of the list printed in the back of the book. Phone numbers change and organizations move, and a book cannot keep up with that. If something in those pages does not work, what replaced it is here.

Last checked 23 August 2026.

If you are in danger right now, start here.

988
Call or text 988. Chat at chat.988lifeline.org. Free and always open. Spanish service and a line for Deaf and hard of hearing callers are both available at 988lifeline.org.

Veterans Crisis Line. Dial 988, then press 1. Text 838255. Chat at veteranscrisisline.net. Overseas numbers are listed on that site.

Crisis Text Line. Text HOME to 741741. In Spanish, text HOLA to the same number. If you are not going to pick up a phone, and plenty of us are not, this is the one.

Outside the United States. findahelpline.com will give you the number for your country.

I am not going to tell you that calling is easy, or that whoever answers will say the right thing. I am telling you that the number works and somebody picks up. Use it anyway.

For suicide loss

These are the ones that understand what you are actually carrying. Everything in this group is run by or built around people who have lost someone to suicide.

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors (allianceofhope.org). A moderated online community of survivors that is awake at every hour, which matters, because this does not only hurt during business hours. If there is no group near you, start here. They also run a separate email series for mothers who lost a child, and they have material written for children and teens in the house.

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (afsp.org). Several things worth knowing about:
  • Healing Conversations puts you in contact with a volunteer who is also a suicide loss survivor. Not a counselor. Someone who has been where you are.
  • Their support group finder covers the United States and beyond, and it is the fastest way to learn whether something exists near you.
  • International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, every November. Survivors in the same room.
  • A summit for long-term survivors, which will mean nothing to you in month two and a great deal in year five.
  • Free guides worth downloading: Surviving a Suicide Loss: A Resource and Healing Guide, and Children, Teens and Suicide Loss if there are kids in your house.

AFSP's directory of suicide bereavement trained clinicians. I want to say something plainly here. Not every counselor is safe for this. I sat across from one who had a verse framed on his wall, compared his divorce to my cremated son, and pointed us toward marriage counseling. Before you book anyone, ask whether they have training in suicide loss specifically. This directory is the shortest path to somebody who does.

For losing a child

The Compassionate Friends (compassionatefriends.org, 877-969-0010). More than five hundred chapters across all fifty states, plus online communities. For families who have lost a child at any age, from any cause. Peer support, not therapy.

Bereaved Parents of the USA (bereavedparentsusa.org, 865-406-6695). The natural companion to Compassionate Friends, and worth checking if the nearest TCF chapter is far.

For the other losses

If you came to this book through miscarriage, stillbirth, infertility, or a failed adoption, you already know how little is built for you.

Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support (nationalshare.org, 800-821-6819)

Resolve, for infertility (resolve.org, 703-556-7172)

General grief, and an honest word about it

GriefShare (griefshare.org). Thirteen weeks, hosted by churches, findable by zip code almost anywhere in the country. It is good, and for a lot of grief it is exactly right.

It is not built for suicide loss, and I have said so for years. If you go, go knowing that. You may be the only person in that room who lost someone this way, and you may spend the whole thirteen weeks translating. Some people find that worth it because it is what exists nearby. Some people leave more alone than they came. If you can find a suicide loss group instead, find one. If GriefShare is what your town has, take it and hold your own story loosely until you know whether the room can hold it.

Finding a group near you

Chapters open and close. Facilitators move. Whatever list I print here will be a little wrong by the time you read it, so here is how to look rather than where.

Start with the AFSP support group finder. If nothing is close, search for "survivors of suicide loss" plus your county, then your nearest city. Call your local hospice; many run bereavement groups and know what else is in the area, and you do not have to have used their services. Ask a funeral home. They know.

If you find nothing, go to Alliance of Hope tonight, and consider that the empty map might be pointing at you. There is a chapter in the back of the book, If There Is No Group Where You Are, on how to start one.

Books

God Is In the Doubt, written by David A. Lloyd. It explores losses of various kinds and how they impacted my faith. Much like this book, it pulls no punches on what went wrong and how I found my way despite it all. (godisinthedoubt.com)

It's OK That You're Not OK, written by Megan Devine. While I am biased that Still Dead, Still Here says it better, at least for suicide losses, Megan's book is what helped me the most.

My Son, My Son, written by Iris Bolton. This book is very old, and written for a time when healing was expected, but also different than now. Take that as you will, it is a great book by a woman who mourned her child until she died. Many people have found comfort in her words.

One last thing, and then I will leave you alone. You do not have to use any of this today. Come back when you are ready. It will still be here, and so, I hope, will you.